I'm Not Who I Look Like.

Recently I read a beautiful piece on Thought Catalog. Please read it (see the link below)

"There is a Certain Kind of Hatred that Comes With Divorce" by Pegah Maleki

It's about the hatred parents sometimes grow for their kids after they (the parents) get a divorce. It's not something I could identify strongly with, and hadn't really even thought about that idea until recently.

For me, the hatred (or dislike, at least) was self-inflicted. When I was a teenager and started to look more like the person I would end up looking like now, I always had a general disdain for the fact that I look more like my father than I do my mother. The oval face (with the slightly square jaw). The furry eyebrows. The frizzy hair. All completely different from my mother and her side of the family. My sisters look like my mom. My brother is a mix of the two parents (he looks a bit like our grandpa on our mother's side). I, however, look entirely like my father's side of the family.

I used to wonder if my mom looked at me every now and then and saw my father. I wondered if this bothered her. I wondered if she looked at me and saw a glimpse of the person she created me with at seventeen, and if she regretted it.

I wonder if my father looks at me now and sees himself somehow. I wonder if he knows how wrong that would be.

In the end, I'm like my mom (smart and quick-witted). I'm like my mother's mother (shrewd and occasionally temperamental). I'm like my mother's father (tenacious and adventurous). I'm not who I look like, and because of this I can rest easy and know I don't have to hate myself over DNA.

Photo by Tim Smith (no make-up, no filters, just me).

Favorite Moments from "The Office"

Dwight Presents Belsnickel:

"Staying Alive" (and you all know what happened to that CPR dummy):

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Call Of Duty.

Nellie. And "how do you like them raises?"

The Trials and Tribulations of The Auntie (or Uncle)

I was inspired by Mother's day and stumbling upon this little gem:

"Why Aunts Deserve a Day"

Today I want to write about being an aunt or an uncle, but I don't want to write all about the happy joy-joy feelings. There's more involved with being an aunt/uncle, and sometimes, it's not pretty. So, here's my list of auntie/uncle-related issues:

1. PRO: If this is a biological niece/nephew, then your siblings created her/him and that's awesome.

This was the actual face I made the first time I met my nephew:

I was in complete awe that this little dude was a part of my brother! My brother made him! As he grows and looks and develops skills just like his dad (and mom) I'm in total awe that my brother has a mini-me that acts just like he did when he was a kid.

2. CON: The minute your (often younger) siblings have a kid, everyone looks at you and asks, "when's it your turn?"

I find that to be one of the oddest and rudest things to ask a person. "When will you be having kids? Everyone around you is having them!" Well, you know what? Lots of people around me are also: committing fraud, jumping out of planes, eating avocados, and making porn videos in their living rooms. Should I do those as well?

3. PRO: Unconditional love!

I recently went quite a while without seeing my nephew. The minute he saw me again, he was like, "AUNTIE! Let me show you my new toys! Did you know I turned five? Let's play in my room!" as if I'd never been gone. No knowledge whatsoever of any issues or problems within me that would make him not love me. After a certain age, unconditional love doesn't exist, so it's best to enjoy while you can.

4. CON: They're not YOUR kids.

Here's an issue I'm having currently. With being an Aunt comes great responsibility, and it's a full and conscious choice you make to be emotionally/educationally/financially involved in the child's life because it's legally not your responsibility. That being said, in order to properly care for the little one, there has to be some common ground between the parents and the aunt/uncle.

Sometimes this doesn't work. If it's a good situation, you work it out with the parents because you all love the child. If it's a bad situation, no matter how much you cede as an aunt, the parent may not budge. The parent may use their child as a tool to manipulate or hurt you.

This is sad mainly because the child is the one who gets hurt the most. This is also where the aunt/uncle gets the shitty end of the stick. Sometimes, the parent doesn't realize that the time and dedication you give to their child is voluntary, not mandatory; and that you're doing it out of love for the little one. It sucks when you're doing the best you can for the kid and the parent turns around and accuses of you of not doing enough, when they may be part of the reason you are unable to do so. Or, on the flip side of the coin, you may end up being used as a permanent babysitter/ATM/etc so the parent can carry on with their pre-child life.

Ladies and gents, the shitty side of Auntie...hood.

5. PRO: They're not YOUR kids.

Kids are a lot of responsibility, and if you're a child-free aunt/uncle, being able to spend quality time with a niece or nephew can be fulfilling without the weight that comes with parenthood. You can nurture and care for the little one, and at the end of the day hand him/her back to mom and dad so you can carry on with your life.

That seems kinda cold when I write it like that, doesn't it? But it works out for everyone! The parents may get some time for themselves and the aunts/uncles get quality kid time but it ends. It ends! The little one goes home and you still get your eight hours of sleep and guilt-free $4 latte.

Nope, that still sounds terrible. It's not, I promise.

Er....here's a cute gif of a cat and dog.